Such a hard question and yet an important one as well. How can we step into the next season of life if we don’t ask this question? And how do we evaluate what that next step should be? How do I think about what I want and also what God wants for me and from me? How do those work together?
Why all these questions?
Plain and simple I found out this past week that it is suspected I have Lyme disease, but with that comes very encouraging news. If I had been evaluated strictly for the symptoms that I’m having it is suspicious of Lyme, but wouldn’t necessarily warrant the one year of antibiotics. However, once you consider that the deaths of both Avi and Jussi could have been caused by this, the potential treatment changes.
We are hoping to have another baby… So our options are 1) going through the year treatment before getting pregnant again, or 2) treat through the pregnancy and during breastfeeding with low dose antibiotics and then do the 1 year treatment IF my symptoms have worsened.
The treatment is expensive and usually not covered by insurance and could be thousands of dollars. Also the medication itself doesn’t come without risks and side effects to both me and a baby.
So what next? How do I decide?
If it was just me and my body then I would say don’t treat, monitor and support my body to fight it on its own. But what if there is another life involved? There isn’t at the moment, but I need to make some decisions with that in mind.
I also find that I MUCH prefer holistic healthcare and not traditional antibiotic treatment… But do I trust its efficacy to chance another pregnancy? Also a path I find myself falling in to that holistic healthcare tends to encourage the fact that if you do all the right things you can be perfectly healthy. Am I trying to hard to attain that? This is an imperfect world and our bodies will always be broken this side of heaven. How much to I go to extremes to care for for my body and how much do I Band-Aid it to limp into the kingdom?
How such money should I be spending on my healthcare? How much should I be investing into God’s kingdom? This world isn’t everything. There is a better place yet to come. How do I live for that place and also make wise decisions here? I want to be a strong and healthy mama for my children and to those around me. I want to be energetic and fit to serve others. But I don’t need these things to be used by God for his kingdom. God definitely can use those with weaknesses.
Also in my earthly mind and body I say, “Why have more children? My body is failing. Just drop it and forget it.” In some ways that would be the easy decision although there wonld be grieving in that as well. I do feel there are people missing from our family… But could that be made whole through adoption?
So what next?
I don’t know… Please pray for us.
The Lord will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
Isaiah 58:11 NKJV