Well, I think it may be about time to return… but slowly it will be, I’m sure. Life feels somewhat back to normal, although what is normal now? Normal will now be different for the rest of my life. Normal will still include the loss of my baby boy and a day doesn’t go by that I don’t think about him.

Sometimes I think about him with joy and gratefulness for the life that we were able to enjoy and celebrate although the time was much too short. But more often I still think of him in sadness and loss. Missing the little boy that would have joined us a few weeks ago.

Spring has been wonderful and hard in each way. I’m so grateful for the warmer weather, the sunshine, the walks outside and the beauty of new life everywhere. Beautiful flowers, budding trees and bright new grass! At the same times it brings a bit of sadness knowing that the new life we were expecing to join our family this spring is no longer going to join us.

My spring and summer have new and chaning plans from what we were expecting. We cancelled our June vacation because it was 2 weeks after we were expecting baby Avi, but now we are going to plan and go. I didn’t think we would get much outdoor pool time with a newborn, but now we will live at the pool all summer. I didn’t plan much for spring and summer, but now it’s an open slate to be filled new and fun activities.

Change… so much change…. and all of it reminds me of my son. Good and bad. Happy and sad. Expectant and loss. Joy and grief. But I know a God, and He is greater. He is faithful. He is good. He is with me and He has power over all change and can work good in all of it.

I’m sure there will be changes as I press on with the blog. I’ve been realizing, lately that more and more things come to pass that I want to share on my blog… so I think I’m ready. I look forward to being back and sharing life with you.

I’m grateful to my readers who haven’t deserted me even in the quiet. It will be good to hear from you again! Thanks for waiting!

12 thoughts on “Return

  1. I’m always grateful for honest bloggers. Avi is not and never will be forgotten. I will forever remember the night I held him. My husband was recently talking about what an important moment in his life that night was.


    1. Thank you so much Alyssa. Your support and care for us and compassion has touched me deeply. We were honored to have you there that night.


  2. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how that feels to re-interpret your life when you thought another child would be with you and isn’t. And I know that God will be faithful to continue to heal your heart and minister to you in your sadness. Hugs to you. 💕


    1. Thank you for your understanding. It’s an understanding I wish we didn’t have though… you are missing lots of babies and me mine. Thank you for your kind words. Our God is big and He is faithful. There is hope for the future!


  3. Pure, beautiful honesty. Thank you for sharing your heart – B. It touched mine like it always does. I’m very proud of you and so proud to call you my sister and my friend. Keep writing and sharing – lives are being changed as you do! I love you and your amazing family! And I look forward to meeting Avi one day!


    1. Thank you my dear friend. And thank you for the encouragement to continue on. I often never know if what I write falls on deaf ears or touches the lives of others. I pray the later, but you never know!:) Thank you.


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