Sisters in pain… Together

I have a new burden for women. Especially in our church right now, but all women are included. There have been so many baby losses in the last year and there are many who are hurting… Not just the woman who lost their babies.

Please don’t stop reading here because you don’t think this applies to you… It will… Please continue…

Yes, there are grieving women. Their babies are gone. Not to be seen or held again on this earth. These precious ones are held in the arms of Jesus, but their mothers still greatly miss and grieve them. Even though we know they are truly in the best place possible, it doesn’t make the loss and emptiness go away.

There are woman who feel guilty. Guilty that they have a living breathing baby and their friend does not. So guilty and uncomfortable that it deeply affects relationships around them. They don’t know what to say to their grieving friend without seeming to gloat although that is the furthest from their minds.

Then there are babies born on the same day and in the same hospital that a sister in Christ is also delivering still her beloved baby. How do you celebrate your child’s birth and announce the glorious news that a new life has joined your family when there is such sorrow? How to be gracious and sensitive? Both children deserve to be celebrated and loved and announced.

Then there are moms with little babies who need an extra hand. They need to run to the restroom but who to ask to hold their precious package? Did that mother recently loose a baby? Would it be insulting to ask her? I can personally say after the loss of our two little boys, to hold a living, breathing baby is healing for me. To see and be reminded that babies are born living and they do exist, is balm for my soul. I would love to hold and snuggle a precious baby. But I know that is true for me. That is not necessarily true for everyone.

There are also the pregnant moms who now have much anxiety. Babies seem to die before their time in our church. Is there even hope for your growing little one? Do you dare hope? Do you dare love and celebrate this life knowing the fragility of life? Do you dare celebrate each day you do have? There is hope and peace to be had in the arms of Jesus, but I know that is so hard. Its easy to allow our minds to run away with us…

There are mothers who aren’t sure if they even want to get pregnant. They desire a family and desperately want children, but it seems hopeless. Its so risky. Is this hope for a family worth risking so much for? What if it only yields pain and loss? Would it be better not to try?

And there are woman who just can’t seem to get pregnant. They too desire a family and that desire and hope and yearning is so deep it hurts. New pregnancy announcements open the pain again. There isn’t jealousy, but there is sorrow for their own position in life.

And then there are women who are past these years. Pregnancy seems to be so long ago and not much in their circles anymore. Consequently you don’t know the struggles of this younger generation, not through any fault of your own. We need you… You are not past your time. You have walked the road called sorrow and have much to share with us. You have a wisdom we seek and desire. Please walk with us on this road. We want you…

What do we say to each other? There is so much pain, so much uncertainty and so much unrest. God gives grace. Let us talk with each other. Let us tell our stories, let us hear the stories of others without comparing. Let us love with Christ’s love, willing to lay down our lives for our sister. Let us encourage, let us offer words of truth from Gods written word. Let us pray.

Life seems too much. But it is short. And God is greater. And there is a glorious day coming. Let us not lose this time but redeem it for Gods glory. In this difficult time let us grow stronger as a body and tighten our bonds in our weaknesses.

I have a deep and burdened heart for each of you. Know that I am bringing you before the throne of grace to receive mercy and help in time of need. I pray for you, always.

4 thoughts on “Sisters in pain… Together

  1. Thank you, Bethanie! What a helpful, gentle, redemptive way to talk about this difficult subject.

    I, too, have a burden that is related to this one; it is for all the things we do not talk about–for various reasons–and for how vital it is TO talk about them. We are sufferers, we are saints, we are sinners, and we are each completely unique. I need to bear your burden w/you, and you need to bear mine. How else can we know that Jesus came to:
    – Hear my suffering cry
    – Lead me through my suffering
    – Lead me out of my suffering
    – Teach me how to forgive the unforgiveable
    – Elevate me out of my shame
    – Empower me to overcome my sin
    – Transform me into the unimaginable: the likeness of Christ
    –and so much more? I know there are women everywhere, EVERYWHERE, who do not have a voice, and there is a mountain of reasons why, but in the end it leads to isolation.

    I’m praying, too, for answers, for true biblical community to emerge, for joy, for hope, for voices to be given to the voiceless. Your post gives a voice to so many. I hope to hear more of them.

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  2. This is beautiful Bethanie. I have found so much healing from my sister’s who have weeped with me. I have been amazed how many women have gone through the deep sorrow of loss or infertility. They seem to have been the ones who reached out to me the most as we grieved our loss. I am so grateful for those dear friends. Thanks for sharing your story of sorrow and healing.

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    1. May God be glorified in all areas of our lives even as we grieve. Closeness and community within the body is so healing in times like these. Thank you for your encouragement friend!

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