[amazon_link id=”0768427398″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ][/amazon_link]Loving Our Kids on Purpose
By Danny Silk
I decided to go ahead and try to complete one of my other goals for 2014 which is to read at least one book on parenting this year. I went to a homeschool curriculum sale recently and found this book. The mother selling it said the ideas and concepts, for her, were revolutionary and really changed the way she related to and parented her children.
Hmm… that’s a pretty good review and she was only selling the DVD presentation and book for $6. Seems worth it to give it a try! Brian and I watched the first session together and thought it was good, but not great. We also questioned some of his theology in the process.
I did read the whole book and I wouldn’t really recommend it. There was quite a bit I didn’t necessarily agree with, especially Silk’s view of God and His relationship to humanity, parents and children. Even though I didn’t like the book as a whole, there were two big concepts that have been helpful for me.
This photo illustrates what I will try to explain. The basic concept is bulling or top downing our children into doing what we want them to do. Punishing to get the behavior we desire. Giving strict boundaries on behavior for behaviors sake and not getting at the heart of the issue.
This was a good reminder to me. I needed the swift kick in the pants to stop having a god complex and telling my children what to do because it’s what I, as self appointed god, think they need to do. There are areas that need a strong hand, but most areas of life are options and have a lot of God given freedom… we need to train and help our children manage the freedom they have in Christ.
That leads me to the second point.
2. Giving your children choices and options instead of demanding absolute, but passive obedience.
I personally think he took this one too far, although the idea has really helped me with Aisling. She is strong willed and often fights or pushes back on everything we tell her to do. I’ve realized that I don’t need to make our relationship a war zone. I need to connect with her and meet her where she is. There are many areas that she needs to learn to obey, like “Stop, there is a car in the street.” But there are other areas that I need to offer her more choices. “Aisling would you like to wear the blue shirt or the purple shirt today?” instead of “Here, Aisling, put this on.”
As I’ve started to use this manor of relating to her, when it’s an option, it’s amazing how much better she does. She has feelings, opinions and convictions and I need to take the time to talk to her and hear her heart. As I’ve tried really hard to do this I’ve found that not only does she make good choices (for the most part) on her own, but then when I need her to obey, she does a much better job of not only doing it, but doing it cheerfully!
So… If you can understand those points you don’t need to read the book…. but if you want more info about them or more details, then read it, but with a grain of salt. Read it with a critical eye and evaluate for yourself all that he says.
I hope you found this helpful! If you’ve read this book, or have seen his presentations, I’d love to know what you think!