It’s time for another one of those posts… thinking… Contemplation… philosophizing…. Although I can’t say my thoughts are really all that deep.
Lately our lives have really seemed to be turned upside down. Life is crazy with five kids in a 1000 sq foot townhouse. We have been wanting to move for the last 2 years and have been working in that direction although at a snail’s pace. I’ve felt half moved, half packed, half here and half somewhere else. Not settled. Not home. It’s caused me to feel anxious, not at peace, and a sense of urgency to get to where we are supposed to be.
But… God often wants us to find peace in Him no matter where we are. Even if we are in a tent for 2 years with ALL of our things packed. And, honestly, life is really the inbetween… not really home… home is coming. So there should be an unsettleness to life. But God says peace can be found.
Contentment in the now.
The stress of re-painting a small house while young children still live here.. Means new finger marks and scuffs on newly painted walls. It has caused me to embarrassingly lash out at my children. “I’ve worked hard to get this done and now I have to do it again.” I’ve been impatient with my husband. He has tools EVERYWHERE as he works on fixing up the house (definitely not at the pace I demand of him). All of this causes me to be anxious, overwhelmed, angry…. But it shouldn’t.
I can’t base my happiness and contentment on my house. It can’t be in where I live. It can’t be with what things I find around me. Does it all need to be stripped away for me to get the point? All I need is Christ. Yes, we have so much more, and so many rich and abundant blessings from the Lord and yet I am demanding more… I claim I can’t be at peace when my home is a wreck, I can’t give grace when my kids are being thoughtless.
I can… and I’m asked to. I’m asked to give more than I have…. Because it doesn’t come from me. I need my cup filled daily from the Lord. He only can see me through these days. I cannot do it on my own and that is VERY evident in the way that I treat my family. Sin certainly abounds, and I’m not proud of it.
God has shown me grace – being that He hasn’t given me what I deserve. So if I have received this great gift, how can I claim it as my own and not give grace freely to others. Who am I if that is true? I’m the ungrateful servant who is forgiven a great debt from his master only to go and demand pennies owed from his neighbor. I do the same.
Moving and getting ready to move is life changing. I have allowed it to change me into an impatient and angry, demanding mother and wife. That is not the changing that it should and can produce. Thank you Lord for stopping me in my tracks. Thank you for showing me the log in my eye. Thank you for having faith in me that I’m not completely lost. There is hope for redemption in me. You haven’t given up on me. I’m humbled.
When I’m tempted to get anxious and frustrated at the mess and the slow progress around me, I want to change… I want to look up and see much grace that was lavished on me and then turn and offer that same grace to my family. I have a long road ahead of me. But that’s what sanctification is… slow progress in the right direction of becoming holy like our Heavenly Father is holy.
We do hope to finally have our house on the market on Thursday! An end does seem to be coming! So I will post again with photos to share! Pray that we all survive the process and that there is MUCH grace and sanctification each step of the way.